she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
