i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
