how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
