someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
where am i from again
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
