May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
