i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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