i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
