If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
