I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
