so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
