Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
