I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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