Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
