his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
