No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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