Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
