Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
