he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
