i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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