i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
