puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
