I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
