dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
