Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
