so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
