Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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