Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i will never coherently bang her
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
