this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
