He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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