Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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