Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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