i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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