I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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