He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
