I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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