Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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