Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
