After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
