I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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