The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
