so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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