Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i would one night stand the shit outta him
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
