I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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