Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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