the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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