I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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