I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
