I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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