He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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