Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
