I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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